149 days. 149 days to get my butt in gear; to lace up my sneakers in rain, snow, sleet or sunshine. 149 days to train. 149 days to break the barriers of my own mind.
I have agreed and signed up to do another half marathon. I know that my pals from the SeaWheeze sure can tell you that I said I’d never do one again after I hobbled all over the streets of Vancouver after race day and the day after. Despite this, I’ve signed up for the Mississauga half in May.
I tell everyone that one of my favourite moments in my running ‘career’ was running the seawall in Vancouver – it was a ‘sea’ (pardon the pun) of neon lululemon clad runners, all doing their best to hustle and finish those last few kms. Some had trained, some had not (ahem: me….) and some were just doing the best that they could to accomplish whichever goals they had set out to conquer that day. It was a moment I wish I could have frozen in time. Majestic.
I wanted to finish a half marathon. At first I had set huge goals, and thought – sure I can totally break 2:15. I was wrong. I was also lazy. I didn’t want to put in the time it took for me to get a time like that. I gave up on some of my summer runs when I shouldn’t have. I cut training runs short. I dropped out of the Running Room course, which I had originally joined for support. I blamed my body. I blamed the weather. I blamed my non-existent dog named Henry.
The point is, I used everything within reach, as an excuse to not get what I wanted. I was afraid. I was afraid of not hitting my goal if I did train. What if I spent a really long time training and still didn’t hit the time I wanted? The problem with that thinking is that there is the opposite side of the coin to that argument; what if I did train and beat my time – what if I even blew my own expectations out of the water? What if my mind, was getting in my very own way?
I ready so many of David Willey’s “From the Editor” posts in Runner’s World and he’s always talking about how races can go a lot of different ways. You can try to beat your PBs – sometimes you do, and sometimes you don’t. Ultimately running is one of those sports that I find so interesting because the training and hard work that you put into it, can push you across the finish line at a time that you could have never even imagined. The tough part is that you have to put in the work.
I have to accept the fact that I didn’t try as hard as I should have last time. I made excuses and I have a great opportunity that lies ahead of me. I can do what I did last time, OR I can put the time and energy into getting where I want to go.
So this time, I’m yelling “Back of negative thoughts, the ‘I can’t’ and the ‘I won’t evers’.” I’m going to do this. I am destined for great things. The first step is accepting that I will get there if I try.
<—– I want to say this to myself some day ❤