Grandma Mary & The First Annual Run for the Love of Pete 5k

runfortheloveofpete
A lot happened this weekend, and as much as I don’t want it to take away from the race as a whole, I must explain so that you truly understand the impact that this had on me this weekend.

My grandmother passed away on Saturday at the age of 95.  She lived quite the life, and she was always funny and entertaining to me.  She laughed at all my jokes, put up with my crazy antics, swore I hadn’t changed at all since birth (I assume I was always this entertaining haha) and even posed for photos with me while I ‘forced her’ (read: encouraged her to do so, because “At 90+ you can do or say what you want, Grandma..”) to the give the finger.

For as long as I can remember growing up, when she was calling for you in the yard, she’d go through every grandchild’s name before getting to yours (including the boy names) every single time.  When I was getting in trouble this was awesome because it would sound like something along the lines of “Oh… Samantha, Mark, Trevor, Melissa, Matthew, er…Chad.. OHHHHHH REBECCA! WHATEVER your name is, get in the HOUSE!” and by then I would be half way across the yard in the opposite direction. She played cards, darts and bowled. She patiently sat with us all and tried to teach us how to play euchre.  (I never caught on).

She taught me what I remember to be one of the first jokes (play on words) I understood, and I like to think I’m mistakespretty funny – so I owe this all to Grandma and her coffee cup.  It read: I never make mistakes.  I thought I did once, but I was mistaken.  Now, I’m not sure if you get how hard it would be to explain that play on words to a 7 or 8 year old, and I figure Grandma had her work cut out for her – at the time mini Rebecca had felt it was all too obvious that you had in fact made a mistake if you had been mistaken.  It was clearly written on the cup. 😉

The reason I bring this all up isn’t because I want everyone to be sad or feel bad.  I just want you to know that this weekend had many highs and lows, but ultimately will always be one to go down in the books.

Run for the Love of Pete was something I told my grandma about recently, and she kept telling me how proud she was of me. I wasn’t sure how much she understood, because our conversations were all at yelling level, as her hearing had been going a bit, but I’m glad she got a chance to hear about it.

My dad wasn’t a perfect man.  He made mistakes, he did the best he could, but ultimately was one of my favourite people that I have ever met.  He was often the class clown when he went to mining conventions, always volunteered in the community where we lived, and defended me by yelling at all the neighbourhood kids when we got carried away chucking ice  balls at each other.  He was a gem.14289884_10101232710651650_2855432295706238207_o

I’ve been really lucky to be graced with such gems in my life, and organizing the Run for the Love of Pete was something that I have been saying I’m going to do for a long time.  I announced the run, started a new job, and was going to cancel the event because I didn’t feel like I had dedicated enough time to it (or the marketing of it).  However, when you announce that you’re going to do something, like my dad always told me, you must follow through or else people won’t believe you if you say you’re going to do it next time. And so I did.

Running is rather polarizing – some people love it, and some people really hate it.  There are in between people who sometimes run, and sometimes don’t run.  Most of my friends are the ‘don’t really want to run’ type people, but that didn’t stop them from running on Sunday, or volunteering to help organize and ‘run’ this race. (Pun always intended).

That being said I want to thank each and every one of you who ran, volunteered, encouraged me at any point before, during or after the race, gave me pats on the back when I selfishly needed them and made donations to the Heart and Stoke Foundation, or cooked brunch for ravenous runners (which is like risking your life via sticking your head in the mouth of a lion – don’t get between people who have run a 5K and a pile of pancakes is all I’m saying ;))
Organizing something that you hope will be a giant race one day, really makes you thankful for all the people that are in your life. I really lucked out in the friendship lottery of life.  Surrounding yourself with great people reminds you why you strive to be better each and every day just like them. So thank you, thank you, thank you. You all mean the world to me!

image1So, the first Run for the Love of Pete is dedicated to my Grandmother, Mary Coe. She could rock that white hair like no other.  Although her name isn’t in the title of the race, and she probably never ran in her life (except perhaps running after me or any of her other awesome grandchildren in the yard..which might count..) she was a woman who will not be forgotten.

She always reminded me to be better & to not take my gift of making people laugh for granted, and my dad always told me to do the things that scare me the most.

This Sunday amidst the laughs and jokes while running the Run for the Love of Pete 5k  (and coming in last so that no one else did) I thought about how Grandma and Dad were probably looking down at me from somewhere shaking their heads, and making some joke about how I actually managed to pull this all off among all the other crazy things I always have going on like I do, and it made me smile. ❤

Do those things that scare you the most, they are guaranteed to be some of the best things that you ever do.

With love,

Bexx

 

Rant: Why the Yahoos on Public Transit just need to stop

I have had this on my mind for a long time. Normally I don’t rant on my blog because I do that with my friends, and not on a social forum. I just have to say something.

#sorrynotsorry
#sorrynotsorryhave to say something.

I’m from a small town. I get that.

I now live in a city and things are different. I also get that, however, sometimes I want to move so far away from the city to a small remote village on a random island somewhere to escape all of the people who have forgotten about manners and how to behave like humans.

I take public transit every day. Each and every day, I get pushed, shoved or treated like wherever I am going couldn’t possibly be as important as the guy or gal with the giant backpack (that they refuse to take off on the subway or bus to allow for anyone to pass or line up in a normal manner). I’m really tired of it.

I am so sick of how rude people are to each other; how people won’t give up their seat for the pregnant lady who got on the bus. They avoid eye contact until someone like me, half way to the back of the bus, offers up their seat when we see what is happening up front. They yell phone conversations across buses. They spit. They leave garbage everywhere. A bag gets a seat while people stand or have to politely ask the person to move their stuff while they pretend to not hear.

It’s a really fun game.

I’m not sure when people stopped caring about others. When pushing and shoving and treating other patrons that taking public transit became  acceptable. It’s no different for how some people also treat the drivers.

Today, I witnessed a driver get yelled at by some yahoo lady who was pounding on the bus door of a very full bus. To be clear she wasn’t even at the actual bus stop, which to most would be step one of the ‘taking the bus’ process. The driver had already asked people to move back, but they weren’t listening, and there was no room for this lady on his bus behind the white line, which is also not just a fluffy made up rule. It’s for safety…. He tried his best and she wouldn’t listen. Pounding on the door, she then yelled that he would be fired and a bunch of other inane babble. Le sigh.

“Excuse me, kindly move your bag off of my face.” (Photo borrowed from: torontoist – Harry Choi, he did not approve this caption. ha.)

Getting off of the bus is a whole other debacle in itself. People use their bags as a shield as they plough through what they treat as cornfields, to get off the bus ahead of everyone else. Where are you going that you need to do this in such a rush? If you’re late that sucks, but that doesn’t mean you have to mow down a lady with a cane to get to the subway platform for your next leg of your travel. Politely say excuse me. Maybe don’t shove. Maybe even apologize when you whack me in the head with your bag as you shove me. Baby steps. I’m not going to expect miracles, but man. This is really really sad.

I’m just wondering when all of this became okay?

I know I could get a car, and take other transportation. I also know there are good people who take transit every day and don’t push people. A woman held people back the other day just to let me out of my seat. Thank you to her.

So thank you to those people who make me smile through the commute – the ones who make me forget that I just got pushed, that make me laugh when they too roll their eyes when other people do the above-mentioned things.

I hope there are more people out there like you.

Can all of you other yahoos take lessons from these people? Please?! Maybe give is a good hard go. You’d probably be surprised at how smoothly your commute goes, at how quickly (or quicker) you get to where you’re going when you all act like decent people, treating other humans, as you’d like to be treated too. Have some respect for yourself and others. It’s the human thing to do.

xo

-Bexx

(Author’s Note: I love the word yahoo.  That’s actually a fact.  I think it should be brought back.  That and when people say a lie and then yell ‘NOTTTT!’ {eg.  We should really do that *pause* NOTTTT!!!} really loudly.)

 

 

The Art of Not Being Good at Something

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I went for my Saturday morning session this past week with my trainer, and since switching trainers in favour of changing things up a bit, I am perfecting techniques that I already thought I had perfected. Derp.

My new trainer tells me that my form is amazing but critiques and adds things that I could consider to make the exercise more effective, or to target some muscle or group of muscles I didn’t even know that I could target. He gives me options and things to really think about: “Break the bar when you come up,” “I want to put a glass of water on that back and I don’t want it to spill,” “Dig those heels in,” “Don’t think too much”.

Don’t think too much…

Thinking, although helpful in jobs that involve strategy (which mine usually have), is usually a great thing. It’s okay to think about all possible outcomes, weigh all your options, figure out the main goal and then all the tactics that are needed to execute. Overthinking is my nemesis. It’s something I’m working on, and will continue to work on throughout my life. This tends to hinder me the most particularly when it comes to working out. (Dating and relationships also suffer from my overthinking, but thank fack this blog is about fitness and not the latter.)

At first being critiqued like this was frustrating. My trainer could see it on my face, and I think I did threaten to punch him a few times. Poor guy gets a Screen Shot 2016-05-09 at 8.30.30 AMfriendly bird flip every once in awhile too. I like to switch things up.

Much like I have learned that he’s only trying to help; he’s pushing me to do things that I don’t like to do, he’s making me think about things that I don’t want to think about. I want to think that my damn deadlift is perfect. That people will call a hotline somewhere to ask for my advice because it’s so great. Like an unsuccessful telethon let’s just say no one is calling yet. (Trés opposite of hotline bling…?)

What I’m learning slowly and accepting much more easily than I used to is the fact that it’s okay to not be good at things. It’s okay to be limited physically, mentally, emotionally, or however-ally.

The important part about not being good at something, at least to me, is realizing that you have a choice. You can choose to give up, or you can choose to learn how to do whatever it is however you can, within the limits set by factors that you may not be able to change or control.

Will it always be the best? No.
Will it always work? No.
Does that mean it’s not worth trying? To some yes and that’s okay too.

Screen Shot 2016-05-09 at 8.38.14 AMYou’re in charge of you, not anyone else. I’m not going to judge you. You’re going to judge you, just like I judge myself and that’s probably the harshest judgment you’ll ever face in life. You.

My trainer at the end of the day doesn’t go home and lose sleep over my deadlift stance. He doesn’t practice with me late at night when no one is looking. He’s probably thinking about ways that we can tweak certain things and how he can help me attain my goals of perfecting my deadlift (so much that people do call me on the deadlift hotline) but when it comes down to it, I’m responsible for me.

I can quit, I can start again. I can flip the bird. I can yell. I can silently beat myself up, which isn’t good but I do sometimes anyway. I can read about it, I can write about it, I can overanalyze the shit out of it. Bottom line is it’s okay if you’re not good at something. It’s okay if everything seems to go wrong. It’s okay to quit. It’s okay to overanalyze, but at some point, you just have let yourself accept what you’re not good at, stop thinking so much about it that you overthink things, and just go and do it until you do have your version of it….whatever that might look like!

-Bexx

 

2015 NYE List – A Year in Review

2016Goals and resolutions don’t need to start at the beginning of the year, but a new year gives us all an opportunity to reassess the goals that we set for last year and try to figure out what we still have an opportunity to work on.  A clean slate, if you will.

A lot of people start fresh at the gym, swear off sweets, vow to not date any more people who aren’t good to them etc.  No goal is too big or small, if you put your mind to it! It’s better to fail, and fall on your face, than never try at all! I’ve fallen on my face numerous times, on all fronts haha

Looking back here are some key highlights from my 2015, some of my new favourite people, and goals for 2016!

TOP 10 OUTSTANDING MOMENTS OF 2015…

  1. Personal training – got a trainer for the first time, and am more ambitious than ever when it comes to health and fitness goals.
  2. Boston trip to see the Jays play at Fenway.  A dream come true!
  3. Nashville trip – fav part – Bluebird Cafe acoustic session (for all you Nashville tv show fans!)
  4. Cottage time – adventuring at the cottage with my favs this summer, fishing, trolling, water wading, bon fires, laughs and fun.
  5. Living on my own – it has been freedom that I’ve never experienced before and it’s the best! I’ll dance in my undies if I want to!
  6. Letting myself fall hard in ‘like’ –  love is too strong of a word.  I’m not ready for that yet haha
  7. Hanging out with my 94-year-old Grandma at Christmas, and making jokes about getting wasted and tearing up the town.
  8. Running an 8k race with Hilary on the tarmac of the Downsview Airport.
  9. Bonding with my bro before and during this Christmas holiday. I really appreciate him, and I have a lot to learn about the grown-up version of my little bro. He’s a gem. ❤
  10. Finishing a half marathon in under 2 hours and 30 minutes.  Not by much, but it still counts!
falling
TOP 5 DISAPPOINTMENTS IN 2015
  1. Not hitting all my fitness goals this year.
  2. Meeting a guy that I really connected with who I thought was super awesome; our first date felt like six and like I was talking to someone I knew my whole life.  Timing is everything though and it just didn’t work out. Excited for new man-adventures this year 🙂
  3. Not being as good of a friend as I sometimes need to be.  I want to be more present and there for the people who need me, like they are for me!
  4. Realizing that sometimes trying to change things is a bigger hurdle than you could ever imagine.  It does take one person to initiate change, but it also can take a village to help support. (I know I combined sayings here… but work with me village, work with me…)
  5. Having a personal trainer who didn’t actually seem engaged in helping me with my fitness goals.  After re-assessing and getting a new trainer mid-way through, I feel recharged and like it’s making a difference the way that I had hoped.
5 Goals for 2016
  1. Organize and launch a run in my dad (Pete’s) memory – Run for the Love of Pete to raise money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation.
  2. To do something with my life, that is my true passion.
  3. To not just ‘lose more weight’ but get even fitter.  Body composition has definitely changed for the better and I feel so much stronger and leaner.  Just need to keep at it and not quit 🙂
  4. Run a 5K in less than 30 minutes, and a 10K in less than 58 minutes.
  5. Run a 10K with my buddy Darryl.  Accountability partners are where it is at, budddayyy!

3 Best New People of the Year-

  1. Stacie K-  Watch out for this one guys! She’s a figure competitor, and she’s working hard this year for a show she’s gonna win 😉 I met her through a friend of a friend, and she’s become a staple in my every day – including snaps, gym talks and me trying to get her to take up running.
  2. Marissa Lok – Honey Badger don’t give a f*ck!  One of the hardest working people I’ve ever met.  She most definitely takes one for the team, will be the last one up making sure things get done, and is one of the kindest, most thoughtful friends I’ve ever had.
  3. Lee Taylor and Aleisha Learoyd – Team Bell.  Meetings, laughs, good times – excited for more to come. These two most definitely make me appreciate the smaller things in life ❤ (At least all 10 feet of your combined ;))

noidea2015, it’s been great.  I’ve learned a lot about myself, life, and love.  I’ve decided to make 2016 about being present in all that I do – putting my phone down, appreciating the overall experiences and adventures.

Happy training, cheers to 2016, and to the year of being present!

-Bexx

2015 : Reflection on 2014 and goals for 2015!

2015

Once again I’ve put together my list of New Years resolutions goals for 2015 and below have done some reflection on 2014.

It was quite the year. I like to think of it as one that helped me grow into the person I am today.  Life doesn’t always turn out the way you plan, and sometimes the universe has its own plan for you. 2014 did not really turn out to be the “Year of Bexx” as I had hoped in my post from last year, but like I said, sometimes it’s within those lovely things that are unplanned and unexpected that you truly find happiness with who you are, and what you have to offer this world!

TOP 10 OUTSTANDING MOMENTS OF 2014…

  1. Flo Coe does TO.  My mom finally came to Toronto to visit me.  I’ve been here for like seven years! She took a bus, streetcar and subway, visited the Christmas market with me, had an amazing time at Absolute Comedy and put herself outside of her comfort zone to come and see me!! I’m so proud of her, and excited that she came!
  2. Cincinnati baseball trip this summer, and hockey road trips to Detroit and Buffalo.  To teaching people how to shot-guns beers, Chicago PD’ing door opens, getting ‘by the glass’ seats to see the Wings, to touring CinCity with some of my fav travel pals, Nick, Anj and Kristi – epic roadies are in store for 2015 too!
  3. Being maid of honour, limo (truck) driver, and MC at my cousin Melissa’s wedding. One of the most fun weddings I’ve ever been too, great guest list, and amazing bride and groom.
  4. Running the Sporting Life 10k in the Spring for Hilary’s first race! So many epic races set for this year with this lovely lady!!! 5k, 10K and a half marathon! Bring it on 2015!!! Hilary – you inspire me!
  5. Summer ciders, day drinks with the ladies, and a surprise birthday party hosted by some of the best friends I’ve ever had! Thank you, you guys mean so much to me!!!
  6. Thanksgiving in the Kawarthas.  I spent it with a great family, and friends! What an honour. Thanks for the invite, Kristi!
  7. Cruising around in a new Chevy Camaro via a perk from Klout! What a slick and amazing ride.  I’d buy two if it were in my budget 😉
  8. Having a wonderful Valentine’s date with my friend Darryl and Alex.  Thanks for letting me borrow him Em! We always have so much fun!
  9. Canada’s Wonderland on a not so sunny day with Hilary.  We had so much fun, and learned that we’re ‘too old’ for some things hahah
  10. Hallowe’en 2014 – dressed as lawn gnomes, filled with jello shots, and friends who never let me down for a good time.  We may have drank a bit much like we were eleventeen, but I’m so thankful to have all of you in my life.
TOP 5 DISAPPOINTMENTS IN 2014
  1. Getting laid off from my job at Corby.  Being unemployed for six months taught me a lot about myself, my friends and family (who relentlessly never give upremind me that I’m awesome no matter what,) that it doesn’t just happen to me, and sometimes things are just out of your own control 😉
  2. I have still yet to find my Romeo.  I think that is more so a result of me not always being happy with who I am.  I’m going to try to work on this in 2015.
  3. Applying to ten million jobs, getting interviews, thinking they went great and not getting the jobs. It’s a way more competitive job market than I’ve ever seen out there. I’ve realized through all this that work culture plays a huge role in determining where you want to work, and who you want to work for. Sometimes you learn later that some of the ‘rejection’ was blessing in disguise.
  4. Not getting to see Eminem live in Squamish.
  5. Getting a text message from someone who meant to send it to someone else. Sometimes technology is the devil. You learn a lot about other people though, and yourself.
Richard Branson5 Goals for 2015
  1. To run a half marathon in under 2h30 minutes.
  2. Get a raise at my new job, and rock their socks off as their new Project Manager on an awesome account!!
  3. Run a 5K in less than 30 minutes, and a 10K in less than 58 minutes.
  4. Keep up with blogging.  I said this one last year, but I need to stay more true to it! It’s a great way to talk out loud, without saying anything 😉
  5. Lose 40 lbs.  I’m well on my way! 🙂

3 Best New People of the Year-

  1. Erin MacIntyre– I met this girl in university through a great friend of mine, but only got to really know her this summer. This girl is a gem. She makes me laugh, has a genuine heart, and is an overall amazing friend! Thanks, for being my Snapchat animal drawing pal, and the best holiday party date ever!
  2. Brit Smith – I met this lovely lady at a friend’s b day party. Sometimes you just meet a person you know you’ll be friends with them after the party – and it’s this girl! She’s an inspiration when it comes to the gym, and healthy eats. She’s always my biggest motivator and fan! Can’t wait for more ikea trips, dinner parties and workout seshs!
  3. Don Laitinen– childhood forced friends (by our parents), thank you Facebook and Fitbit for reconnecting us. This dude always listens even though he is all the way in Ottawa to my crazy tales, makes me laugh when I want to punch people, and his dedication to the gym and healthy eats keeps me on my toes.  You inspire me to be better! #besties

2014, ahhhhh, good-fricken-bye.  It was a slice, but I’m moving on to 2015 – which started with a new job as a project manager, started an awesome 30 day cleanse, a new roomie moving in that I am really excited about and a car purchase happening in the Spring! (If anyone has recos, let me know :))

Happy training, and cheers to 2015!

-Bexx

Survival of the Fittest- The Ultimate Survival Kit

Lately I’ve been on a “what’s in your Gym Bag Essentials” kick, but I’ve decided to turn it a little more into an adventure with this post.

My friends at Man Crates asked me what key components would make up my ideal ‘survival kit’.  What do I think  is important for survival?  What would be in my very own kit?  I wracked my brain for a while and came up with some ideas.  Now as you know, I tend to not approach things conventionally, so my take on this is a little comical.

If I had to make a survival kit (which would have to come in a crate that’s pretty large… haha)  with just 7 things in it I would choose the following:

mancrates
http://www.polyvore.com

 

1. Matches in a Bottle – We’d all like to think that if we needed to survive in the wilderness or anywhere really – that’d we’d be cool enough to start a fire by rubbing a bunch of sticks together…. but really – let’s face reality – matches in a bottle would at least help me out a bit, and leave me more time to find some available food, or re-jig my ‘survival’ plan as necessary based on whatever is really going on out there.

2. Toothbrush with many types of toothpaste – Variety is key.  One time growing up I told my mom I liked bubble gum toothpaste and she bought a whole bunch of it on sale.  (I believe it was the Miss Piggy and Kermit Bubble gum toothpaste for kids.)  After a couple of months of that, you just want some fresh mint or something less ‘playful’ let’s say.  If you’re trying to survive fresh breath is still important.  If there are any other people with you, they will also like you better if you have this available.

3.  Asics – I love my Asics.  They are my favourite running shoe, and they would be in my survival kit because if I needed to run away from a bear or something (I’m not sure why I assume I’d be in a forest, but work with me here…) then I’d be set up for success.  (I probably also should have included a jet-pack, for such emergencies as well…hind-sight is 20/20.)

4. Solar Powered Raccoon Light– Lights with batteries will eventually run out.  Raccoon Eyes (see above) will not; plus he’s cute and could double as your very own “Wilson”.  If Tom Hanks got a volleyball, I would get Raccoon Eyes, and we’d be friends. (I’d probably also rename him a few times over the course of our adventures together, as I would be the boss in charge.)  As long as there is some solar light to charge this puppy up, you should be good to go for a long time.

5. Beef Jerky –  I went on a road trip recently and we stopped in at this place that had 30+ flavours of beef jerky.  This was a place called Heaven… or something like that…  In survival mode, I’m sure flavour matters less, but I think it would be great to have some of this on-hand because it tastes good, and gives you protein.  Win-win if you ask me.

6. Trendy Moose Sleeping bag  Now this is my idea of camouflage! 😉 I really do love the sleeping bag, and I think that if you can have one trendy item in your survival kit, this would for sure make the cut.  (Please keep in mind I am from Northern Ontario, so my views may be a bit skewed on this trendiness… heh)

7.  2 Person Guardian Elite Survival Kit [SKT2] –  So I’m a cheater… in my survival kit would be a real standard survival kit (there were not rules given to me on making this kit.. .so….)  I’m particularly happy they included a deck of cards for entertainment purposes, because sometimes in crisis, you need a distraction…like playing Go Fish with Raccoon Eyes. Despite his keen eyesight, I’d probably still win every time for the record.

This kit includes a Deluxe Hikers Backpack – containing:
Food and Water: 12 Boxes of Aqua Blox Water Boxes
12 – 400 Calorie Food Bars (4800 Calories)
20 Water Purification Tablets – each tablet purifies 1 liter
Am/Fm Radio with Headphones and Batteries
Rechargeable Squeeze Flashlight – 3 LED flashlight
36 Hour Emergency Candle
12 Hour Green Emergency Glow Stick
5-in-1 Survival Whistle
Box of Waterproof Matches
2 Emergency Survival Sleeping Bag
2- 16-20 Hour Body Warmer
2 Person Tube Tent with Rope
2 Emergency Poncho with Hood
16 Function Knife
Leather Palm Work Gloves
2- N95 Respirator Dust Mask – NIOSH approved
50 Feet of Nylon Rope
Safety Goggles
Sewing Kit
2-24 Piece Deluxe Hygiene Kit
6 Pocket Tissue Packs
Guardian 57 Piece Deluxe First Aid Kit
Notepad
Pencil
Deck of playing cards for entertainment
Infectious Waste Bag

All in all if you’re really trying to survive, I’m sure some of my items are useful, but perhaps not all. (I’d keep the real Survival kit stuff in mind.) You may want to re-jig my list.  As comical as this may be, when trying to survive staying warm, hydrated, and fueled up in terms of food are all of the utmost importance.  Stay safe out there guys!

-Bexx

Northern Summer


I think sometimes we all need a vacation.  From the hustle and bustle of our lives, from our own over-analyzing minds – an escapism where we are sometimes only able to find solace in the familiar – our childhood home.

Lately I’ve had some time to reflect on my life, what I do, who I am, and numerous other soul-searching endeavors that could easily leave ones head spinning.  Something that we should all undoubtedly do at certain points to evaluate our lives.

I remember a friend telling me once that once you hit your thirties, you will stop reading books like the Alchemist and just face reality that life isn’t all inspiration and aspiration.  I hope that I never stop dreaming, and envisioning bigger and better goals for myself and those that I choose to surround myself with. Thirty or not, I refuse to believe this.

I think that facing yourself, what you’re good at, and what you’re not good at (let’s call these the ‘works in progress’) are some of the hardest things that you can do.  It’s easy to sit there and say I’m really good at ‘x’ and ignore that perhaps you have done things to yourself and other people that are the result of those things that you’re not so good at.  Perhaps insecurity is at the forefront of some of these things, like it is with me.  Heck, I didn’t even really want to start this blog for years because I didn’t want to look silly, or have people thinking ‘what gives her the right to write about these things? What does she know?”

I struggle with the idea that ‘it doesn’t really matter what other people think’, because in some ways it does.  There are people out there who read and see what you do, they judge your work, your credentials based on a small amount of interaction and evaluate who you are, what you have to offer, whether you have influence or ‘klout’.

The key is to have enough confidence to know who you are, the values that you represent, the person that you are and the work that you do. (A friend’s father told him that recently and he was kind enough to share this wisdom with me.)  Keep your head held high, and believe in you.

Summer9

The people who matter the most will know you, stick around even when you’re a bit of a sh*t-head, hug you when you’re down, and become the biggest cheerleaders that you didn’t even realize or appreciate that you had.  They’ll encourage you to blog more, talk to people more, and shine that light that is you regardless of how dim you may feel it is at the moment.

Part of it is just recharging – hanging out with people who make you laugh, who sign you up for dragon boat races when you don’t even know how, those who remind you that writing is for the soul and is one of the hardest things we do sometimes – “it is ultimately spilling your guts out in text form.”

-Bexx