Taking A Leap of Faith & Trusting Your Gut

Back in the day I used to work for an alcohol company, and we were in Ireland one time. I say that so nonchalantly *flips long brunette locks*, but trust me when I admit that I tend to always try to gauge things against what my twelve-year-old self would think about things and adult me smiles secretly from the inside scoop on how cool this experience really was and how lucky I am to have been given this opportunity in the first place. My twelve-year-old self would have freaked out, likely doubted the legitimacy of the promise of said trip to Ireland and skeptically thought the plane ticket was a fake.

We got to do a lot of cool things; some involved alcohol consumption and others did not. We were in fact there to learn, explore, celebrate and tour around after hitting a sales target as an organization. Gooooo team!

We could choose our own adventure so to speak, from a list of options and I went on the adventure obstacle course day instead of the SPA. At least I think the spa was one of the options, but look at me all proud of myself that I went adventuring over relaxing! It sounded like an adventure. It was in the title. If this was not to be adventurous, then it was in fact false advertising.

There was a mountain bike obstacle course, a climbing wall, and archery (which I was terrible at. Legit the arrows DID NOT fly for me. Couldn’t be asked to join Robin Hood’s gang of thieves because they’d laugh at my accuracy and that would be rather embarrassing now that I come to think of it.) I promise there is a point.

My final activity was one I wanted to avoid all day. I saw it when we came in and I wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but I sure did know it was something that I’d rather avoid eye contact with, as opposed to letting it gaze into my eyes and down into the depths of my soul. It could see the fear and I felt naked about it. If you’ve ever seen a hydro pole, you know how big it is both in height and diameter visually. If you haven’t seen a hydro pole it’s a 35-foot pole that you can climb up and when you’re standing on the top of it you can maybe turn around comfortably at a turtle’s pace.

The Leap of Faith, I don’t remember if this was the official name or if I heard someone just call it that, but holy sh*t. I remember looking all brave walking over to the pole and looking up. I remember word vomit spewing out of my mouth telling everyone I may crap my pants. I walked up to the metal pegs that they called the steps/ladder, and I got to the platform. I put my two hands down and got onto the platform on my knees. My two little pistons of power (my legs) were shaking and I wasn’t sure how I’d get from my knees up to standing.

Why the hell was I doing all of this?

Well to learn to take a leap of faith that day to learn that my team wouldn’t let me fall.

I was to stand on the platform and jump toward a stilled flying trapeze that was purposefully too far away from most people (Read: ‘most people’, but also for reference I’m 5”5’ & 3/4s with the lovely gift of shorter than average arms, which I’ve kindly nicknamed my ‘t-rex arm’, sometimes I even yell rawr when I can’t reach something. It’s super cool.) to reach on their own. The idea was really that down below, this terrifying 35-foot drop, there were three or four of your co-workers who were going to pull a rope that was attached to your harness when the count hit zero and you were going to complete the task together. You would jump and trust. They would be able to count and also pull the rope on cue. (<– this part is important when picking your team.)

Panic set in.

Sheer terror.

May have peed a little. (Maybe figuratively… but I’ll never confirm nor deny..)

I got to standing by some sort of miracle, but I could feel the platform sway as I felt my knees shake. The trapeze handle was so far away. My team asked if I was ready and I said no. They started counting down anyways. I remember wanting to jump when they got to the ‘go’ part, but I hesitated for a second. That split-second based on a lack of trust – I missed the trapeze by a tiny smidge. Could have been a big smidge, but in my memory it was tiny, maybe a fraction of an inch, but likely a foot in real life. This is my story, shhh. I almost made it. I was sad. I didn’t make the heroic jump to save the day and join Cirque de Soleil to grace their performances. I never talked about this day with anyone really. I buried the sadness. I buried the shame and hurt that I couldn’t just trust as easily as a lot of other people. I beat myself up a bit on the inside (I have a mean jab, jab, cross, hook, uppercut, pow!) and then I moved on.

Maybe I didn’t get it back then, but I get it now.

This is a constant reappearing theme in my life, and I’m trying to break this pattern. I always doubt my gut and hesitate. I lack trust. I’m scared of failing. I’m so scared of looking stupid. I’m scared of looking like a fool.

I knew the team had my back even back then and I paused and thought I couldn’t. I said the c-word in my head and I couldn’t take it back — the dreaded ‘can’t.’ I missed the jump because I didn’t believe that I could. I didn’t believe it was enough. I didn’t think I had enough in me to do it, even with a team down below legit cheering for me.

It’s okay though. I took a leap of faith once, and I hesitated. I fell and I didn’t make the jump, that time. Fail forward, friends. I jumped this time. Trust. You’ve got this.

Some people will maybe say you’re a different. Some people will look at you and tell you they wish they could be as ‘strong’ as you, which you might not feel all the time. These reminders are nice on days when you struggle to remember yourself but you have to find the strength from within. Some people will say mean things to your face because they don’t get it or behind your back about your decisions that they think that you won’t hear. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t. That’s also okay too. You’ve made judgments about other people before too. Not everyone has to understand your journey, nor do they owe it to you to automatically cheer while or when you do take YOUR ‘leap of faith’. This is about you.

I read something the other day that I wish I remembered the source of because I can’t claim it as my own initial thought – it went something along the lines of no matter what decisions you make people will be judging, positive or negative. Ultimately to me, this just reinforces the fact that every decision you make is really only your own concern. People will judge regardless. You do you. Don’t give the life you really want a hard maybe. Give it a hard yes. You owe it to yourself to at least try.

I have a few ideas of what my next steps are. Things are happening. There are also many things in the works. For once in my life I’m feeling things out, taking my time, trusting the universe and not explaining my every move to everyone looking for some sort of validation. I’m done with that.

Today I TRUST my gut. I hope you learn to trust yours too.

Running My First Run ‘For the Love of Pete’ 5K & Remembering Grandma Mary

A lot happened this weekend, and as much as I don’t want it to take away from the race as a whole, I must explain so that you truly understand what went on.

My grandmother passed away on Saturday at the age of 95. She lived quite the life, and she was always funny and entertaining.  She laughed at all my jokes, put up with my crazy antics, swore I hadn’t changed at all since birth (I assume I was always this entertaining haha) and even posed for photos with me while I ‘forced her’ (read: encouraged her to do so, because “At 90+ you can do or say what you want, Grandma..”) to the give the finger.

For as long as I can remember growing up when she was calling for you in the yard, she’d go through every grandchild’s name before getting to yours (including the boy names) every single time.  When I was getting in trouble this was awesome because it would sound like something along the lines of “Oh… Samantha, Mark, Trevor, Melissa, Matthew, er…Chad.. OHHHHHH REBECCA! WHATEVER your name is, get in the HOUSE!” and by then I would be half way across the yard in the opposite direction. She played cards, darts and bowled. She patiently sat with us all and tried to teach us how to play euchre.  (I never caught on).

She taught me what I remember to be one of the first jokes (a play on words) I understood, and I like to think I’m mistakespretty funny – so I owe this all to Grandma and her coffee cup.  It read: I never make mistakes.  I thought I did once, but I was mistaken.  Now, I’m not sure if you get how hard it would be to explain that play on words to a 7 or 8-year-old, and I figure Grandma had her work cut out for her – at the time mini Rebecca had felt it was all too obvious that you had, in fact, made a mistake if you had been mistaken.  It was clearly written on the cup. 😉

The reason I bring this all up isn’t that I want everyone to be sad or feel bad.  I just want you to know that this weekend had many highs and lows, but ultimately will always be one to go down in the books.

Run for the Love of Pete was something I told my grandma about recently, and she kept telling me how proud she was of me. I wasn’t sure how much she understood, because our conversations were all at yelling level, as her hearing had been going a bit, but I’m glad she got a chance to hear about it.

My dad wasn’t a perfect man.  He made mistakes, he did the best he could, but ultimately was one of my favourite people that I have ever met.  He was often the class clown when he went to mining conventions, always volunteered in the community where we lived, and defended me by yelling at all the neighbourhood kids when we got carried away chucking ice balls at each other.  He was a gem.14289884_10101232710651650_2855432295706238207_o

I’ve been really lucky to be graced with such gems in my life, and organizing the Run for the Love of Pete was something that I have been saying I’m going to do for a long time.  I announced the run, started a new job, and was going to cancel the event because I didn’t feel like I had dedicated enough time to it (or the marketing of it).  However, when you announce that you’re going to do something like my dad always told me, you must follow through or else people won’t believe you if you say you’re going to do it next time. And so I did.

Running is rather polarizing – some people love it, and some people really hate it.  There are in between people who sometimes run, and sometimes don’t run.  Most of my friends are the ‘don’t really want to run’ type people, but that didn’t stop them from running on Sunday, or volunteering to help organize and ‘run’ this race. (Pun always intended).

That being said I want to thank each and every one of you who ran, volunteered, encouraged me at any point before, during or after the race, gave me pats on the back when I selfishly needed them and made donations to the Heart and Stroke Foundation, or cooked brunch for ravenous runners (which is like risking your life via sticking your head in the mouth of a lion – don’t get between people who have run a 5K and a pile of pancakes is all I’m saying ;))
Organizing something that you hope will be a giant race one day, really makes you thankful for all the people that are in your life. I really lucked out in the friendship lottery of life.  Surrounding yourself with great people reminds you why you strive to be better each and every day just like them. So thank you, thank you, thank you. You all mean the world to me!

image1So, the first Run for the Love of Pete is dedicated to my Grandmother, Mary Coe. She could rock that white hair like no other.  Although her name isn’t in the title of the race, and she probably never ran in her life (except perhaps running after me or any of her other awesome grandchildren in the yard..which might count..) she was a woman who will not be forgotten.

She always reminded me to be better & to not take my gift of making people laugh for granted, and my dad always told me to do the things that scare me the most.

This Sunday amidst the laughs and jokes while running the Run for the Love of Pete 5k  (and coming in last so that no one else did) I thought about how Grandma and Dad were probably looking down at me from somewhere shaking their heads, and making some joke about how I actually managed to pull this all off among all the other crazy things I always have going on like I do, and it made me smile. ❤

Do those things that scare you the most, they are guaranteed to be some of the best things that you ever do.

With love,



Run for the Love of Pete 5K : The Why

Screen Shot 2016-05-18 at 9.24.43 AMAt first, I wanted to do something in the memory of my father, Pete. I wanted to raise money and awareness for heart health so that people around me got to live longer and learn about the things that they needed to do to accomplish this. I love running, so why not pair the two?

Over the course of wanting to launch this run (I’ve been thinking about this for about a year and a half), I had anxiety about hitting send on a mass email, hitting create on an FB post and talking to people about it in general. I’d hold back. I realized that all I needed to do was take the first step.

In all my research around running races, and organizing them, I scoured the pages of Runners World Magazine and any online resource that I could. If I was having this much trouble taking the first step to creating a race to ‘change lives’ then how many other people were having the same struggle? I mean this from all standpoints in life. Were others struggling to run? Were others so afraid of what other people thought so much that they were just sitting and waiting for that perfect moment to do what they really want to do?  Were other people so paralyzed with fear and self-doubt that they just sat on really great ideas for a really long time instead of just getting out there and doing them?

I was (and still am a little spooked) about taking the first step. What if one person comes to the race? What if no one shows up? What if it’s raining? What if people look at September 11th as a negative date? What if I don’t raise awareness or money and fall flat on my face? There will always be ‘what ifs’.

I took the first step yesterday.

I almost puked in the car.

Some people will understand, some people won’t. Some people will laugh at your goals and mine, others will suScreen Shot 2016-05-18 at 9.16.28 AMpport them with banners (think signs made out of glitter and uncooked macaroni, that’s what I see ;)), and do whatever they can to help.

I set-up the Facebook invite, and to some that will seem rather trivial (or an archaic way of doing things hah), but it has taken me months to hit that ‘create’ button. My buddy Doug took me for a ride in the car. He made me listen to a podcast that really changed the way I look at this hurdle. I have to spend more time looking at why I want to do this, not at how or what. The rest I can figure out along the way. (Check out this TED Talk with Simon Sinek if you want to learn more about the ‘why’).

All I have to remember in every step of this process, no matter how good or bad this goes, I took the first step – the first step of many to come.

I will learn a lot throughout this whole thing, things won’t be perfect and I will refine and change things as I go. I hope that you join me, as we take many first steps together, never forgetting the why along the way!